


set a man to watch all night, my fair lady

by GuardianKarenTerrier



Series: adrien augreste 2020 [19]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien AUGreste 2020, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir Makes Puns, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir and Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug Being Idiots, Akuma Attack, Akuma Battle, Badass Alya Césaire, Gen, Lê Chiến Kim Being an Idiot, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug Likes Puns, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug Makes Puns, Monkey Lê Chiến Kim | Roi Singe, POV Alya Césaire, Podfic Welcome, Protective Nino Lahiffe, Teenagers Acting Like Teenagers, but like, helpfully, kwami shenanigans in the background, marinette: why should the guardianship fall on ONE PERSON thats a TERRIBLE IDEA, statue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:41:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25983784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuardianKarenTerrier/pseuds/GuardianKarenTerrier
Summary: Alya's got a running list of their least favourite akuma.Alya's gonna have to update their list again."Who's it!" Freeze Tag bellows from somewhere back behind them, because Freeze Tag apparently can't be bothered to remember the rules to his own stupid game.Alya keeps running, barely slowing down as they hurdle over obstacles, registering the damage around them in a way they haven't done mid-battle in a long time now because there's no real point because Ladybug's Cure will set it back to rights before Alya's even transformed back.But right now- right now, Ladybug's frozen, standing still as a statue somewhere way too far behind Alya.But.But Alya doesn't have Chat Noir, either.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Alya Césaire/Nino Lahiffe
Series: adrien augreste 2020 [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1860751
Comments: 63
Kudos: 288





	set a man to watch all night, my fair lady

**Author's Note:**

> for the adrien augreste prompt statue, tho... uh, ended up being kinda ensemble instead? kinda? 
> 
> this is another technically-a-stand-alone that would take place after an earlier prompt, this time after [every stumble and each misfire.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25721932) again, you DONT have to read that first.

Alya's got a running list of their least favourite akuma.

Alya's gonna have to update their list again. 

"Who's _it!"_ Freeze Tag bellows from somewhere back behind them, because Freeze Tag apparently can't be bothered to remember the rules to his own stupid game. 

Alya keeps running, barely slowing down as they hurdle over obstacles, registering the damage around them in a way they haven't done mid-battle in a long time now because there's no real point because Ladybug's Cure will set it back to rights before Alya's even transformed back. 

But right now- right now, Ladybug's frozen, standing still as a statue somewhere way too far behind Alya. 

Which is bad but could still be _okay,_ Alya's fought with Chat Noir before, they work really well together, they could manage more than long enough to get Ladybug back in fighting condition and Chat Noir doesn't really have an _off_ button where his Lady's safety is concerned and it might even have been kinda fun. The whole reason Rena Rouge and Chat Noir work well together is that they _do_ have fun. They're really really good at rolling with each other's punches, and Alya's dying to get more chances to spar because Chat comes up with a lot of ideas they'd never have thought of on their own and Rena comes up with a lot of ideas Chat wouldn't think of in turn and the different angles they approach problems from tend to mesh super well. 

After the last time they'd let Rena and Chat go off on their own both Carapace and Ladybug had sworn never to do so again, but that's just an overreaction. Bunnyx had intervened before they could cause _too_ much chaos. 

(Ladybug had pointed out that Bunnyx generally only intervenes when they're in danger of totalling a timeline. Alya had pointed out that she can't possibly _know_ that, not for _sure).  
_

But. 

But Alya doesn't have Chat Noir, either. 

Because Chat got frozen too.

Ladybug and Chat Noir are both somewhere behind them now, frozen in place, so still that Alya'd been frozen in a different manner until they'd seen that the heroes were still breathing. They're breathing way more shallowly than Alya would like, but they _are_ breathing.

They've still both _lost_ and that's left Alya, alone, sprinting down the street towards where they'd last seen their boyfriend, hoping desperately that their illusions hold up long enough. Their false Chat and Ladybug won't last forever, and if Freeze Tag actually catches either illusion, or even just realises that they _are_ illusions-

Alya had better be able to find Nino inside of the next five minutes. 

Nino, and whoever they need to hand the Monkey off to. 

Alya's deeply considering giving it to the next trustworthy person they run across (or over, at the speed they're going). So the frustration they feel at finding Nino holed up _with_ someone is quickly overshadowed by relief-

Because Kim's a Monkey if they've ever seen one. 

Which Kim _proves,_ right away, because the second Xuppu appears the two brighten and greet each other like old friends. Complete with arguing just like old friends, but Alya's okay with that, Kim's like that with everyone. Kim's like that with _them._

Alya's also maybe running on too much fear and adrenalin to be surprised.

Alya should probably have not given Kim the Monkey in front of Nino, but they don't have _time_ to separate them first, so.

So they don't bother with the spiel or with an explanation, they just toss Kim his Miraculous and give Nino a _look_ and then spin to sprint back towards the battle. Nino doesn't need an explanation anyway and Kim's never listened to one in his life, so getting _back_ is their top priority. Kim and Nino are both gone and then back and transformed and following right on their heels in moments anyway.

And getting back absolutely has to be their top priority. 

Alya hadn't even seen the heroes get hit. 

Alya had been talking to them, joking around and laughing, because this is the third akuma this week that's been children's-game-themed and they're beginning to wonder what the hell is going on in Hawkmoth's personal life that _this_ is what he's chosen to fixate on. That had led directly into speculation about whether or not Hawkmoth even has a personal life, or if he just spends all his time in his butterfly bunker. 

"Butterfly bunker," Chat Noir had voted immediately. "Butterfly bunker, with like, a whiteboard full of puns for names. Whiteboard the size of a wall. Puns for days." His lips had twitched. "Maybe a fainting couch for when we win. He kinda seems like the type to do villainous monologues into thin air, doesn't he? I bet he just starts railing dramatically at the sky whenever we win." 

Ladybug had snorted. "You're assuming the sky is even visible from his butterfly bunker. Wherever he's holed up seems pretty hidden, and he's not exactly a social butterfly." 

Chat had grinned back. "Probably found some place underground to spin himself a cocoon." 

"Monarch of all the leaves and dirt he can survey," Ladybug had agreed, which was around when Alya had realised, not for the first time and probably not for the last, that the hero's reputations as professionals might not be totally deserved.

Alya had wanted to ask them then if they've ever gone _looking_ for Hawkmoth, but they'd all had to dodge apart as their current villain got upset with them for ignoring him. 

Alya's pretty sure the heroes have gone looking. Alya would really like to be certain. 

They'd really like to help, and Alya has to get Chat Noir or Ladybug or, ideally, both to admit that it's a goal at all before they can ask to join in. 

"Do you think his family knows?" Ladybug panted as they came together again, her yo-yo coming up in a whirl to deflect another furious beam of white light. Alya does not trust mysterious beams of light. At all. "Do you think he's just, like, hey, honey, light of my life, mon rayon de soleil, mind watching the kids I gotta go and get my evil in for the day? You know, _again?"_

"Bold of you to assume he's got family," Alya'd countered, raising their flute to their lips and then hesitating. It had felt too early to use Mirage. 

"Bold of you to assume he cares." Chat Noir had done more dodging than either of them, landing out front in a crouched position, protective and hopeful and grinning still as he'd craned his head back. Looking back, Alya thinks his expression had been more shadowed than they'd have expected, but at the time he'd only looked happy to be there. "Hawkface's probably a workaholic, I mean, considering. I think he's gotta pretty much _live_ in his butterfly bunker."

Alya had been beginning to wonder if 'butterfly bunker' was some sort of in-joke they weren't privy to. 

"Yeah probably," Ladybug had sighed, her yo-yo wrapping neatly around Chat Noir and yanking him out of the path of a beam. "Hope the jerk doesn't have kids, they probably haven't seen him in like, a year." 

Chat Noir had snorted. "A year? Nah, a year is nothing. His kids probably don't know he exists. Bet they've never once seen him at a family dinner." 

"Chat, unless his kids are still too young to _care,_ we haven't been fighting him _that_ long." She'd paused. "They've probably seen him emerge at some point." 

Chat Noir had clearly been perfectly fine, but that hadn't stopped Ladybug from leaning into his side and reaching up to ruffle his hair behind his ears, eyes scanning quickly as she assessed him for injuries in a terribly practised way. 

"Bold of you to assume-" 

None of them had seen the next beam. Only Alya had seen the results.

Alya's _lucky_ that it hadn't taken them out, too. 

Chat Noir and Ladybug are still right where Alya left them, frozen in a pose that makes them wince at the way the two have been left on display. Chat and Ladybug are constantly physically affectionate and they certainly don't shy away from touching each other every chance they get, but there's still an intimacy Ladybug's casual stretch up to bury her hand in Chat's hair, the way Chat Noir's head is bent towards his partner with both his ears oriented on her, that feels too private to be left frozen for everyone to see like this. 

There's maybe some guilt driving that thought. Alya had ended up deleting the Ladyblog's photos of Chat Noir and Ladybug's kiss after a private message from what she _knows_ is Ladybug's real account. Ladybug's never outright confirmed that, but still_in_the_frying_pan has mentioned battle details that she'd have no way of knowing otherwise. 

Alya had deleted the photos. To much complaining from their forums, true, but they _had_ deleted them. 

It's never been their goal to make the heroes uncomfortable. 

(Although Chat Noir would have had more than enough time to save copies for himself, and Alya's sure he already had. They're not honestly sure they can begrudge him that- Alya had saved copies for themself and Nino, too). 

Alya's illusions are still fighting as well as they can without true minds to drive them, and Alya breathes a sigh of relief at that. Freeze Tag hasn't yet discovered that they _are_ illusions, then. 

"Carapace," Alya starts, and then stops, floundering, because they don't... give orders. That's Ladybug's prerogative, and Ladybug's generally pretty careful with it in a way Alya's not sure they can match. 

"I'll guard," Carapace says immediately, alleviating Alya's worries. They give their boyfriend a strained grin as he repeats, more firmly, "I'll guard. I'll find someplace down near them and if Freeze Tag gets suspicious I'll use Shellter." His eyes glint, reflecting Alya's own worry through his goggles. "Just... remember that if I do gotta use it, then it means you've only got five minutes left to wrap things up." 

"Cool, awesome, right," Alya mutters, foot tapping frantically, and then winces as their necklace lets out a beep.

Nino goes still. 

Alya had been pretty sure he'd forgotten that _their_ timer was already well on its way to counting down. They're not too thrilled to learn they were right. 

"-right so," Alya says, hurriedly, "Ki- uh. Monkey. Monkey boy. Look I don't know what to call you, we're on a real steep time limit, see that akuma over there?" They point over at Freeze Tag, still chasing their increasingly acrobatic (and decreasingly bound by physics) illusions, which their fading Miraculous reminds them starkly aren't going to last much longer. "We need you to _get_ that akuma over there." 

Kim's head tilts as he blinks, eyes wide and guileless behind his mask. "... And?" 

"And..." Alya blinks back. "Disrupt... his... powers? Is that not- is that not what you, like, _do?"  
_

"Oh, yeah, 'course," Kim agrees easily, slinging his staff across his shoulders. 

A second later he removes it, shoulders hunching sheepishly, and shouts, "Uproar!" 

A Frisbee falls into his hands.

Kim lights up, looking back at Alya excitedly even as tucks the Frisbee under one arm. "Oh _awesome,_ I've never gotten one of these that could give me this kind of, like, distance before! Be right back!" 

He turns to lope away. 

"Ki- Monkey," Alya calls, biting back their exasperation. "Wrong way!" 

"Right!" 

Kim turns to lope the _other_ way. 

"I really hope this works," Alya mutters as Carapace comes up beside them, which places both of them in front of Ladybug and Chat Noir's still forms. Alya glances uneasily back over their shoulder. It's deeply unnerving to see the other two heroes holding perfectly still like this; they keep expecting to see Chat Noir's ears or tail twitch, at the very least. With Freeze Tag's powers holding them in place, though, the wind doesn't so much as ruffle his or Ladybug's hair.

Nino doesn't look back. Nino keeps facing forward, his guard up, his eyes intent on Freeze Tag and now Kim in the distance. 

"So, I didn't see his power the other times, but couldn't he have thrown like... _anything_ he'd got before?" Alya asks, turning back to stare after Kim themself. "He could just. Throw things. That's, that's a thing that he can do, I am starting to regret this, Cara." 

Neither one of them questions that Kim's definitely the one who'd had the Monkey before. Kim and Xuppu had too clearly met before. 

Also, Kim is _seriously_ a match for Xuppu if Alya's ever seen one. Alya's been dealing with Trixx and Xuppu egging each other on for a while now, and they're still not totally sure that their little sister's recent imaginary friends _are_ imaginary because both the kwami Alya is currently responsible for (or that are responsible for Alya) are terrible at things like rules and boundaries, and Kim just makes _sense_ for Xuppu.

For the space of a heartbeat they wonder if they can maybe leave Xuppu and Kim together after this, but... Ladybug hadn't, even though Alya has Trixx and Nino has Wayzz. Ladybug had probably had a reason. 

That reason is probably 'Kim is not always real great at secrets.'

Yeah, leaving Xuppu with him seems like a bad idea to Alya, too.

"Dude. I didn't even know you _had_ the Monkey Miraculous." Nino leans back, shoulders curling in as he does, like he's trying to figure out the best position to take to protect everyone. Alya knows from experience that's exactly what he's doing. 

That, and deliberately providing them with a distraction from the way their anxiety keeps ratcheting up. "Had it for a while now. Why-" They both pause as Kim goes flying between two buildings with an overenthusiastic howl, only to crash just short of Freeze Tag. "- what's the other one she gave you?" 

Nino gives them a sideways look. 

Alya narrows their eyes. Their necklace beeps again. 

"The Mouse," Nino admits, finally, and then mumbles something else. 

Alya raises an eyebrow. 

Kim crashes a little closer to the akuma this time. 

... Kim could probably use more practise. 

"And the Snake," Nino adds reluctantly, before wincing. "... and the Bee." 

Alya completely diverts their attention from Kim to stare at Nino now. "She gave you three- no, wait- she gave you _four?"  
_

Carapace shifts uncomfortably. "Well, uh... no. Ladybug gave me two..." He winces again. "And then Chat Noir gave me two. They know!" he hurries to add, apparently in response to whatever he sees in Rena's face. "Dude, they know. I told them right away, they told me to keep them. Said- uh. Said I could give'em back if it's too much danger for me, they were worried about that, but then they said that they both trust me." 

Nino looks a little lost at that admission, but Alya can't say they're honestly surprised. Nino of all people deserves that degree of trust. Nino _earns_ that degree of trust, usually without even realising it. 

And of course Nino hadn't returned the Miraculous at the reminder of danger. Nino would have read that as a way to keep other people _out_ of danger. 

(Nino would have read that as _keep Adrien and Marinette out of danger_ particularly _,_ but Alya's still not sure how to bring that up. They've temporarily settled on being relieved that they've gotten Nino to understand that Alya themself is going to go ahead and keep getting into danger, and that he's going to have to deal with that. How much his protective tendencies keep hyperfocusing on their friends, and _especially_ on Adrien, is a conversation Alya's not yet managed to have).

Alya wonders if anyone else is running around with as many Miraculous as their boyfriend is now, though. They knew they weren't the only one sharing in the safekeeping, not after whatever the _hell_ had happened with Miracle Queen, but for Nino to have a full four Miraculous is still not what they'd expected. 

They hadn't even expected to get their own back after that, if they're being honest. They're still not sure what made the older heroes decide to take the risk. 

They're definitely not sure what made them consider those risks and decide that their- apparently mutual!- trust in Nino still outweighs them.

Alya would _super love_ to continue this conversation, but their necklace beeps for the last time, and their illusions fade to the sound of an enraged roar from Freeze Tag and a gleeful one from Kim, and Nino hurls Shellter into the air around them just as Alya's detransformation hits. 

And just as Chat Noir and Ladybug both unfreeze.

"Hi," Alya says, dryly. They're aware this wasn't a great place to detransform. 

They're also aware that the only other unfrozen people around are Freeze Tag and Kim, neither of whom had been paying them the slightest bit of attention, so they're not that worried. 

"...Hi?" Chat Noir tries, looking disoriented. He straightens from where he was leaning into Ladybug's touch and nearly staggers. "Oh _man_ that gives you some serious pins and needles. I think my _tail_ is asleep." 

Alya's brows furrow as a horrifying thought strikes them. "Are you telling me people who get frozen are still _aware?"_ For one thing that kinda strikes down their 'detransforming here was fine' theory. 

For another, it's just kind of horrifying to think about. 

"What happened? Were we frozen?" Ladybug asks, before Chat Noir can try to lead them on.

Alya's pretty sure he was planning to, by the sad way his ears droop.

"Yes, and this shield isn't gonna like, last, dudes, and also Ki- Monkey does _not_ know what he's doing so we really gotta go help him," Nino calls back, strained. 

"Yeah, I'm tagging you two back in," Alya tells Ladybug, before slumping against the nearest building. Trixx darts in close, butting affectionately against Alya's face. "Tell him Rena Rouge sent you." 

"I will tell him that Rena Rouge is a drama royal," Chat Noir promises. Dramatically. 

He's a little wobbly. Alya thinks it's maybe more than just his tail that had gone numb. They also think he's maybe a little more shook up than he's showing, and Ladybug's eyes are darting around in a way that makes them positive that she's fairly rattled, too. 

(They'd nearly _lost._ If Alya hadn't had the Monkey, they _would_ have lost).

Humour's always been Chat Noir's way of dealing with stress. Luckily for them both, it's frequently Alya's, too. 

It's kind of everyone's, at this point.

"Stop monkeying around, both of you, we've still got a fight on their hands," Ladybug scolds them both, ineffectively. Alya can't help but notice that she has yet to step away from Chat Noir, or that Chat Noir's ears lift immediately and his eyes brighten at her words.

Alya also can't help but notice that Chat Noir and Ladybug are still clinging to each other, a little. This was a much closer miss than Alya thinks they'd had in months now, so that's not a surprise. 

It's not reassuring, either, though.

"How about you two go _right now,_ before monkey in the middle over there gets caught, and we'll catch up," Carapace suggests, still braced against his shield like he doesn't entirely trust that it's enough to protect all of them. 

Chat Noir straightens. "Sure, but catch up quick, early bird gets the worm." 

"Early fox gets the bird," Alya says immediately, at the same time as Nino grits out, "And the _sensible turtle_ wins the race will you please _go!"  
_

"Going, going!" Chat finally pulls away from Ladybug, but Alya suspects him of using his tail for balance much more than usual. "But seriously, backup would be good." 

Alya can't disagree with that. "Then tell Freeze Tag that Rena Rouge is _coming_ for him, cat boy, this fight has _sucked."_

Chat Noir tilts his head. "Sorry, my ears must still be asleep, I missed that. Tell me, Rena, _w_ _hat_ does the fox say?" 

"... I'm gonna retransform _just_ to get you back for that." 

**Author's Note:**

> little brother was trying to get our folks alexa to imitate animal sounds one day and was very confused when he got to fox and twin and i both froze and stared at each other and went 'NO' simultaneously. (twin and i refused to get an alexa) 
> 
> marinettes ladyblog screen name is from the old 'ladybug ladybug fly away home, your house is on fire, your children will burn' nursery rhyme (i also definitely learned some weird versions of some of the songs/rhymes i looked up?? why were so many of ours so DARK-) 
> 
> hawkmoths not stuck on childrens game akuma kids _i am_. titles from london bridge is falling down. 
> 
> i have also just. given up, these are ALL off in their own canon now, sure, why NOT


End file.
